What a beautiful gift to share this writer and storyteller with you. Crystal’s encouraging words and honesty about the power of forgiveness have catalyzed me to look at some areas where I might still be holding on to unforgiveness. Her book How to Pray for Someone Who Hurt You, released this year, really helped me to let go of a particular hurt from the past. Savor her story over a cup of tea or coffee, and I pray that her words and the Truths she shares would help soften your heart or encourage you if past hurts still linger.
Here is Crystal’s Freedom Story.
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Sometimes you know what you need to do, without having a clue how to really do it. That’s how I felt several years ago when I found myself in some pretty messy conflicts that left my family divided. Having grown up in the church, I knew that I was called to forgive, but when pressed, I really didn’t have a clue how to go about it.
I had heard multiple sermons on the power of forgiveness, and I was familiar with the words of Jesus in Matthew 18 about forgiving from the heart. But, how could I actually do this when my heart felt bruised, confused, and angry?
I’ll be honest, I felt ill-equipped.
The call to forgive seemed overwhelming, sometimes impossible. How was I to ever find freedom from the emotions that I felt? How was I going to break away from the painful arguments that were on repeat in my mind? How was I going to overcome the depression that seemed to cycle endlessly?
I didn’t have the answers to those questions, but God did. He reminded me of Colossians 3:12-15, and I love this wording from The Message;
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives.
The NIV says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful (Col. 3:15).”
I looked at my own little world, and I looked at what the Bible said. My world seemed splattered with resentment, entitlement, and fear. Yet there were Paul’s words, divinely telling me that I was made for more -that I was called to peace.
Stop and consider this with me- Jesus, in his kindness, has called each of us to peace.
This is when things changed. I accepted that I was called to peace, but I knew that peace would only come by a deliberate decision to choose love, even when I didn’t feel like it. What was I willing to do to experience this peace that I was called to?
Was I willing to be humble?
Was I willing to let go of my perceived ‘right’ to an apology?
Was I willing to lose an argument?
Was I willing to respond to rudeness with kindness?
Could I have enough self-control to not respond in retaliation?
Could I let go of the urge to ‘punish’ somehow?
Was I willing to do the hard work and forgive?
It took me a while to unwind and process all of these things, but I knew that I was miserable and that I could only be free to follow my own calling and be the kind of mom/friend/spouse/professional that I wanted to be if I was able to move out of this bondage of resentment and into the peace of Christ.
Freedom meant choosing the path of forgiveness, no matter how hard it was, or how long it took.
For me, forgiveness meant facing the pain and working through it, not around it. It meant dealing with my emotions, my expectations, and my fears; one by one until every wound had been healed. It meant reading these verses from Colossians over and over again until they were deep in my bones, and it meant going slow; offering prayerful, calculated, holy-spirit filled responses instead of knee-jerk reactions. Forgiveness meant redefining what it meant to love one another after conflict, and it meant loving in ways that seemed unnatural and out of my comfort zone.
All of these brought me steps closer to the peace of Jesus, but what impacted me the most was choosing not to dwell on what was offensive. After I had worked through the pain and processed my own brokenness, I needed to let go of what had happened and lay it down at the feet of Jesus. It is in this surrendered, self-controlled space that I felt I had truly forgiven. There was no need to keep rehashing the conflict in my mind, to do so would only keep me in bondage. I could choose to dwell on all that was messy and hurtful, or I could again, listen to the words of Paul. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you (Philippians 3:8-9).”
Friends, loved by God, let us not be prisoners of our broken pasts. Let us not be defined by our messy histories. Let us not give any more mental space to the things that bind us. Let us forgive and choose the peace of God. Let us choose to dwell on how we are loved by God and cherished by Him. Let us choose to dwell on His kindness, His ability to redeem, and His forgiveness. Let us allow our souls to breathe afresh in the goodness of God and when we do the world will not recognize us by our brokenness, for what will be seen is a beautiful life restored by a loving God, and He will be glorified.
Here is the beautiful promise of God; He is a God of Peace, and He is with you. He has called you to walk with Him and become like Him, and you are called to peace. This peace is found by forgiving others, just as we have been forgiven, and by living lives of love.
Praying you experience the peace of God today, as you forgive completely, from the heart.
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Crystal McGowen is a non-clinical Christian counselor and Soul Care provider based in Portland, Oregon. When she’s not hiking in the PNW with her husband and two girls, she enjoys writing, experimenting with watercolors, and exploring food carts.
Crystal believes that every women’s story has the potential to impact the Kingdom of God in dramatic ways and that all of us have a story to share. She seeks to equip women to live vibrant lives that are emotionally healthy and spiritually mature by offering online forgiveness coaching and soul care appointments.
P.S. Want more stories of hope? Here’s where you can find 20+ other Freedom Stories from women who have found freedom through Christ and authentic community.