Image: Zoltan Tasi of Unsplash

All this time, I’ve been trying to pluck the dead leaves and prune back the branches of shame. But there comes a time where we need to dig deeper. I have to uncover how the tree might have gotten there to begin with, before these symptoms of shame infiltrated my thinking.⠀

Recently I started thinking about the root system of my shame. I don’t think any one of these factors is the direct catalyst for my struggle with shame. Rather, there are some deep roots that started young, and newer roots coiled in through later interactions and unhealthy patterns of thinking about myself. ⠀

Between the old gnarled roots and the aggressive new ones, this root system became a tangled mess below the surface. I can pull the dead leaves off all I want, but I need help from a tender and gentle Gardener to scoop away the dirt and excavate the deeply woven labyrinth of roots:⠀

•legalism (emphasis of law/rule-following over grace)⠀
•lack of understanding of God’s love for me⠀
•projections of blame/shame from others⠀
•sharing hard parts of my story and receiving judgment⠀
•isolation and running my past failures on a repeated loop in my mind⠀
•fear that my past will define my future⠀
•fear of being unloved by others if I share all of myself⠀
•absorbing the full responsibility from situations where I had only partial or no responsibility (“it’s all my fault”)⠀
•inability to forgive myself⠀
•difficulty accepting God’s forgiveness and the work of Jesus on the cross⠀

Once He pulls back those roots and helps me lift them from the ground, we can make space for soft soil and new seeds. We can plant authentic connection, forgiveness, and new thought patterns in line with Truth. ⠀

Together, we can plant seeds of true freedom from my shame. I’m praying for this freedom for you too, sweet friend, so that we may live like this:

“He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.” -Psalm 1:3